Warning: The following contains language of textuality, ridicule, satire, farce, and surrealism. Viewer discretion is advised.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Extreme Olympic Games

In the 112-year history of the Olympics, we’ve seen new events added here and there, but let’s face it—the core of the Games remains a bit too traditional. It’s like the Olympics is still running on dial-up while the rest of the world is streaming in 4K. As culture, technology, and the hunger for more adventurous sports evolve, maybe it’s time for the Olympics to catch up.

Take the 2008 Summer Olympics, for example. Sure, much of its success was thanks to the host country’s spectacular organization, jaw-dropping venues, and that unforgettable opening ceremony. But imagine setting the bar even higher by adding a few new *extreme* events to spice things up. Here’s a taste of what the future of the Games could look like:

- **Trampoline diving**: Because why not take synchronized bouncing to dangerous new heights?
- **Synchronized floor gymnastics**: Picture it—two gymnasts, one mat, endless possibilities.
- **Indoor skiing**: Snow? Who needs it! Let’s shred on artificial slopes.
- **Water tennis**: Splash zones and rally points—game, set, and drip.
- **Sky soccer**: Playing soccer... on skyscrapers. Bring a parachute.
- **Extreme ping pong**: Same game, but with grenades—*kaboom*.
- **Competitive archery**: No targets. Just archers...and chaos.
- **Underwater boxing**: Slow-motion punches, but with bubbles.
- **Free-cycling**: Imagine cycling across rooftops. Don’t look down!
- **Volcano canoeing**: For those who think whitewater rafting is for wimps.
- **Blindfolded equestrian**: Horse riding on instinct—just hope the horse knows the way.
- **Taser fencing**: En garde! But with a shocking twist.
- **Water hockey**: Ice is overrated. Bring on the splashes.
- **Headball**: Soccer, but only with your head. Goalies beware.
- **Drive-by shooting**: Wait, maybe *not* this one...
- **Land rowing**: Because rowing on water was just too logical.
- **Water cycling**: Pedal-powered waves? Sign us up.
- **Nintendo Olympics**: Who needs judo when there’s Wii Sports?
- **Men’s synchronized swimming**: Where style and splash meet.
- **Postmodern hexathlon**: Skydiving, land rowing, water cycling, mountain climbing, tightrope walking, and bungee jumping...because five events just aren’t enough.

The future of the Olympic Games is calling—and it’s asking for more adrenaline, fewer rules, and a whole lot of imagination.

Friday, January 30, 2009

Here Comes The Ring Again

Here comes the ring again
Calling on my head like a blackberry
Tapping on my head like a mute vibration
I want to email in the opened Pearl
I want to handsfree like drivers do
I want to bluetooth into your smartphone
Is it ringing with you?

So berry talk to me
Like lovers do
Wi-fi with me
Like lovers do
Text to me
Like lovers do

Here comes the ring again
Storming in my head like thundery
Tearing me apart like tele-promotion
Oooooh
I want to hang up the speakerphone
I want to MMS like lovers do
I want to dial into your iphone
Is it 3G or GPRS?

So berry voice to me
Like lovers do
Poker with me
Like lovers do
Thumb to me
Like lovers do

So berry message me
Like lovers do
(here it comes again, Ooooh, Yah...)

Here comes the ring again
Missed call on my cell kills my battery
Falling like a stone like Research In Motion
(here it falls again, here it falls again, ouch)
I want to forward the conference bridge
I want to video like lovers do
I want to zoom in to your browser
Is it EDGE?

Here comes the ring again
Trackball stereo headset and mini-USB
Voicemail overflow like Copperfield illusion
I want to flip open the flash memory
I want to mp3 like lovers do
I want to clip on the microphone
Is it CDMA?