The Death of Phil

On Feb 2, 2008, Phil emerged from his burrow, saw his shadow, and told the world we still have six more weeks of winter. Six weeks later, Phil, 122, was found dead near a 7-11 at Gobbler's Knob.

Apparently the rodent suffered from hypothermia as he struggled to survive the unexpectedly fierce weather that lingered on for months. Poor Phil could have survived had it not been the effect of Global Warming that changed mother nature. Conspiracy theory suggests that Phil could have been a victim of a prank played on him by his human friends who invented thermometers and other temperature measuring devices some 300 years ago, and who sent satellites above the earth to monitor weather.

The use of a rodent to predict the arrival of Spring is simply an insult to mankind. For years, Groundhog Day has generated substantial commercial benefits to the event organizers and media, who were in fact treating Phil as a sheer money-making plush toy.

Some have seen the depressed rodent frequenting neighborhood bars days before his death, suggesting Phil may have discovered the good intentions of humans and committed suicide himself.

However he died, there's a lesson to be learned (for our furry friends, that is): www.theweatherchannel.com

May Phil find peace as he returns to his burrow for good. Amen.